Romanticizing My Life Again

Falling back in love with me!

Hey y'all! Pour yourself something warm, get comfy and let me tell you about these past weeks I’ve had. Sometimes the best conversations happen when we’re just being real with each other, you know?

Listen, this past week I’ve been in such a good mood that I’m practically floating! I’ve been giddy over love in all aspects not just romantic love, but love for life itself. I’m smiling just thinking about how, in a world that’s so loud, there are these precious moments where we can pause and truly enjoy the little things that make our hearts happy.

That spark? It’s been so mesmerizing. Now, if you’ve read my last piece, you know I got a little crush situation happening. (We Need Corny Love Again) And while I’d love to say my good mood has nothing to do with him…well, let’s keep it real, I think having a crush jumpstarted something I should’ve been doing this whole time: prioritizing my own life. Loving myself back to life.

The Wake-Up Call I Didn’t Know I Needed

Truth moment: I had gotten so comfortable with trying to hide and be unnoticeable to those around me, and myself, most importantly. Before this crush came along, I knew I’d been slowly giving up on finding joy in life. I went through a major transition in life that really had me spiraling lowkey. I was sinking into a depression that was becoming way too familiar, and that’s not who I am. It was over-functioning at its finest. Overthinking everything, imagining the worst possible outcomes, and spending most days in my head. When really it was time to just live. To be free and feel lighter.

So, yeah, when I started to like someone? Everything shifted.

Lately, I’ve been elevating my fashion like it’s armor. Not in an attention-grabbing way, but I was really presenting myself like a slouch. It was reminiscent of high school, when you’re in your final year and there’s nothing but sweatpants and jeans you wear. But I realized it was time to get myself back on course with my wardrobe. Also, watching Solo Traveling really sparked it off, too. I discuss this in my other post, where Tracee Ellis Ross reminds us that fashion is our superpower, an active form of self-care and self-love. When I started dressing like myself again, people noticed. They commented. And you know what that taught me?

People are literally watching how we treat ourselves!

My confidence has been on ten, and here’s the funny part - you’d think all this effort to get cute and stylish would be to catch a compliment from my crush, right? Nope. Instead, I did what I always do best and looked inward for some deeper self-reflection. I wasn’t really searching for his compliment. I think I just enjoy his company and the simple easy going energy of just being in the moment. Getting to light up around someone who didn’t have to do much other than being himself was enough. That’s when I realized he was simply a vessel God placed in my life to speak to me.

Divine Interruptions and Sacred Pauses

I know that sounds deep and spiritual, but hear me out. I truly believe the universe placed him in my path as a gentle wake-up call. A subtle reminder to breathe and hit the pause button. To listen to the signs the spirit was sending to me. I know I had quietly given up on prioritizing myself again, wearing this heavy cloak of defeat that honestly never fit who I really am. The people closest to me could see how I’d been pulling away, stuck in this negative cycle, unable to break free from it. Typically, I will hold my head high and try to find the silver lining in everything, but God knew that intervention was needed.

But for some reason this time was different. This wasn’t just a stumble; it was a complete knockdown, and for the first time in my life, I couldn’t get myself out of this perpetual cycle I was forming. My people, bless them, were trying to help aid for me to come back to life, but it just didn’t work this time. It makes me emotional just writing this because my community really grieved with me and prayed with me with me to get back to myself. I know watching their usually strong friend become fragile was painful because I’m always told my energy is oozing of a bright and positive spirit that seeing me lost like this struck them big time. The truth is, I just genuinely didn’t know how to find my way back to myself after a big transition.

Until now….

Somewhere along the way I forgot to give myself the same kindness I freely give others. You know that gentle voice that says, “Take a breath, you don’t have to figure it all out at once”? Yeah, I wasn’t using that on myself.

But after I finally surrendered after giving up that last 10% before what felt like a complete crash, something shifted. It was like the spirit said, “Okay, you’ve been trying it your way. Now let’s do this my way.” That’s when I started releasing my brain from that overthinking trap I’d been stuck in for months.

And then it clicked. I stopped analyzing everything to death and just...took a beat to breathe. I allowed fresh air to wash over me, and slowly but surely, I started falling in love with myself again. It was like watching something new being born within me.

These days, I’m smiling more. I’m lighting up again, laughing more, shifting my whole mindset back to love. I’m coming back to who I’ve always been before all those big, scary moments tried to change me. I’ve even started touching grass again, literally and figuratively.

If you’ve ever felt that incredible rush of coming back to life after disappointment or tremendous hurt that knocked you down, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

*gushes* Honestly, it feels incredibly good to be at peace with myself again.

The Reality Check I Needed

Again, part of it was feeling squeezed by the pressure to figure everything out all at once for the next job, processing relationship losses, the next move, the next big step. I felt like I was shrinking, becoming smaller under the weight of all the disappointments life kept throwing at me over these past years. Drowning, without ever coming up for air.

Rejection after rejection, playing the endless waiting game, trying to plan my move after graduation, and none of my plans were going the way I imagined. The mind blowing thing is for me is that I worked so hard to get to this point, but it felt like the universe was giving me a big fat “no.”

Shifting my perspective has been a game-changer, but let’s be real sometimes it’s hard to speak life into something you can’t see. The unknown is so uncomfortable for me. I panic when things go off script, and I’ve always had a hard time letting go of control with that particular part. I get so analytical about the details that I forget to leave space and grace to just live life without a plan. I have to constantly remind myself that things won’t always go as planned. Yes, I’m a recovering self oriented perfectionist. Which means I practice grounding techniques often, just to pull myself back into reality. And let me be honest it’s hard for real. It’s the hardest thing ever to experience because your brain goes into overdrive constantly. There are days when I just want to shut my brain off completely. So I remind myself, daily, to release self critical thoughts and be still in the moment.

I know it’s okay to plan and it’s part of who I am, but I can get so self-critical when I don’t meet my own expectations. I beat myself up. And before I know it, I’ve slipped into that dark place in my head again. So, when that spark came back to me again I leaned in to pay attention. It’s been so beautiful to refocus my energy on the little things that make me happy again. Somewhere along the way, I became so hyper-focused on accomplishing things that I forgot how to feel. I forgot how to let go. I had totally forgotten to give my brain and body a break. There were days I would go without eating because my brain gets stuck on overdrive when I set goals for myself. I legit forget to drink water or eat.

I finally feel like I’m getting back to embracing the best parts of me. I am getting back to that bright, optimistic butterfly who sees beauty in everything. It’s really been getting better. It’s getting easier to love on me again. It hasn’t been an overnight shift, but through small, subtle steps, I’m slowly returning to myself. These days, I find myself admiring the little things again, falling in love with simply being present and grounded.

I’ve even started buying myself flowers, just because. (Seriously, buy yourself some today, you’ll thank me later.) It feels so good to give myself the kind of love I’ve always deserved. To let go. To quiet my mind. To stop clinging to the script I thought I had to follow.

Now, I’m learning to move with the rhythm of being “in between.” The other day, I caught this gentle pause reflected in my crush, and it reminded me of something important: just continue to slow down and savor the moment. To stop pressuring myself with timelines, as if I’m racing some biological clock that’s about to expire.

I’m giving myself permission to just live.

In this season, I’m rediscovering something powerful about my life not needing to be over-explained. I’m still learning how to stop oversharing and just enjoy the light moments. For so long, I thought sharing my every plan gave me a sense of accomplishment, as if talking about it made it more real. But truthfully, that constant need to explain myself? It’s a trauma response.

I grew up in a tight-knit family where privacy and boundaries didn’t really exist, we told each other everything. So naturally, I carried that into adulthood, feeling like I had to give everyone a play-by-play of my life. But here’s the thing, not everything needs to be narrated. Not everything needs an audience. These days, I’m practicing “walking without talking,” holding things sacred just for me. And while it’s not always easy, I’m learning that silence can be freeing.

✨ The Unwind 🌀

If you have read this far thank you for your support and stopping by to read my beautiful body of work! This is my gentle reminder to myself (and to you) to take baby steps and enjoy your life. We need that more than ever in this noisy world. I’m learning to trust daily the journey of life and giving myself patience to grow into a version of me I’ve never met before!

So, I’m choosing to romanticize my life. To fall back in love with the small, overlooked moments. To let go of what I can’t control and start making peace with my pain. And trust me, I’m still learning this, daily. Life moves whether we’re ready or not. The beautiful part is, even in the bad days, the spirit has this way of revealing little nuggets of wisdom through people, places, and even the quietest moments.

And little by little, your light will feel contagious to you too. My glow is coming back stronger, and I’m falling in love with every bit of it. I’m just grateful to be coming home to the girl who always carried light and love, both for others and for herself.

So let this be your reminder, to keep glowing! Keep coming home to yourself!

Until Next Time,

Trinity 🩵

Songs that inspired my writing for this piece: Enjoy 🥹